July 20, 2004
Tuesday, July 20, 2004 at 7:30 P.M.
Today is the first day of VirtCamp. As I left this morning I thought to myself,"Am I being selfish in pursuing this degree?" I just wish I could see the future and know that everything will be okay, that this experience will provide me with more opportunities. I don't know if getting car sick on the way here was a sign of things to come. I was nervous when I walked into the room. I couldn't remember faces and names of people that I kept looking at for weeks. I felt really intimidated. I probably would say that I felt insecure and that I didn't belong here. Aren't I supposed to be home with my two adorable boys? Like I said I feel selfish and I wonder if I am doing the right thing, but the view is amazing. Scott and I are sharing our own rooms and I feel like I am a newlywed again without any extra responsibilities. I also want people to know that this is not just a "cute" thing that a married couple is in the program. How do you make your own identity but also know that you can give an eye glance? Having Scott here makes me feel less nervous, like he is supposed to be here. He is definitely a source of comfort. I can't imagine going through any major life experience without him. I'm so glad I have him here. After we get into groups I realize that I am going to get to know so many different kinds of people. This will be a stretch and learning experience for me to ask for help and to keep an open mind about others. I wonder what the actual coursework will entail. There isn't a schedule and things are really loosey goosey. This is good right? What am I going to learn? How will I have time to dedicate myself to this? I guess I also feel guilty that I am not paying for this program out of my own pocket. I should probably let this go so I can just enjoy the "process". Key word for the program!
Today is the first day of VirtCamp. As I left this morning I thought to myself,"Am I being selfish in pursuing this degree?" I just wish I could see the future and know that everything will be okay, that this experience will provide me with more opportunities. I don't know if getting car sick on the way here was a sign of things to come. I was nervous when I walked into the room. I couldn't remember faces and names of people that I kept looking at for weeks. I felt really intimidated. I probably would say that I felt insecure and that I didn't belong here. Aren't I supposed to be home with my two adorable boys? Like I said I feel selfish and I wonder if I am doing the right thing, but the view is amazing. Scott and I are sharing our own rooms and I feel like I am a newlywed again without any extra responsibilities. I also want people to know that this is not just a "cute" thing that a married couple is in the program. How do you make your own identity but also know that you can give an eye glance? Having Scott here makes me feel less nervous, like he is supposed to be here. He is definitely a source of comfort. I can't imagine going through any major life experience without him. I'm so glad I have him here. After we get into groups I realize that I am going to get to know so many different kinds of people. This will be a stretch and learning experience for me to ask for help and to keep an open mind about others. I wonder what the actual coursework will entail. There isn't a schedule and things are really loosey goosey. This is good right? What am I going to learn? How will I have time to dedicate myself to this? I guess I also feel guilty that I am not paying for this program out of my own pocket. I should probably let this go so I can just enjoy the "process". Key word for the program!
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